I have a “Groundhog Day” moment in my Presentation Skills Coaching course.

Let me use Lauren, a recent participant, as an example. She got up and made her presentation while I video taped her. Her speaking style was, I thought, succinct and articulate; her physical presence confident and relaxed. I felt she could improve her eye contact and use numbers to promote clarity, but in general I thought she was quite mature in her style.

When she finished, I asked Lauren, “So how was that for you?” That’s when “Groundhog Day” began.

“Oh, god, that was dreadful,” she said. “I was talking a mile a minute and couldn’t seem to slow down. And every other word out of my mouth was an ‘um.’ Plus I couldn’t steady my hand when I went to hit the mouse. And I was rocking back and forth like crazy.” And on she went while I handed out forms for people to record her feedback and set up the playback.

I stopped her and said, “Hold on a minute. Let’s watch the disc.” I pushed play and there on the screen was a handsome young professional who had absolutely no relation to her self-description. I let the DVD play for almost a minute before freezing it.

“Do you think the woman on the screen was talking a mile a minute?” I asked.

“No,” she said with great surprise.

“And was she swaying? Or ‘umming’? Or trembling?”

“No,” she said, “but that really is how it felt to me.”

That’s my Groundhog Day.

Every year, I listen to hundreds of presenters recite a list of all the ways they’ve failed. Then they see the playback and the evidence shows quite the contrary.

The lesson here is that when any of us is under the least amount of pressure we become unable to assess ourselves accurately.

Why is this important? Because as actors on the corporate stage it’s critical that we know how to improve our performance. But if we listen to a voice that’s false, we can end up hurting ourselves more than helping.

Imagine a vice president of sales in a meeting with a make-or-break client. She doesn’t get the response she was hoping for. Driving away she begins to assess her performance. But, because of the pressure, she’s unable to assess herself realistically. What happens?

First, she begins to focus on problems no one in the room experienced. So she ends up fixing things that aren’t broken. Second, because she isn’t seeing clearly, she’ll most likely report inaccurately to her boss and her team. This often results in inappropriate actions and reactions. Third, at her next presentation she’s likely to put a lot of energy into worrying about things that just aren’t real. That worry will use up some of her capacity and her performance will actually decline.

This cycle is all too real. I see it all the time. So what’s the fix?

First, learn to discount that critical voice in your head. It might be accurate but odds are it’s not.

Next, do what professionals do. Find someone you trust to give you feedback. Actors have directors. Athletes have coaches. Whom do you have?

We all need someone without adrenaline or investment to stand on the sidelines to let us know what we could do differently. When you figure out who that person is, show them the simple model for giving good feedback under #4 in, Getting Good Feedback. Ask them to do that for you. Then be sure that you follow #3 and #5.

More than anything else, know that when a voice in your head tells you how dreadful you were, it’s just not true.

Read related Tips:
Playback as Feedback
The Look & Sound of Self-Esteem
Assume Equality